So before i was even considering moving abroad way before the thought had ever crossed my mind. I was in a long term relationship with my x boyfriend steve. We where together for 3 and a half years, i fell head over heels for this boy from day one. He was my school crush and summer love when i was 15 and that is where it all started. There was just something about him that i was instantly drawn to. Are relationship was all i wanted and more for the first two years. And then it all started to very slowly fall apart, we learnt that we where leading two very different life styles, with completely different views, opinions and morals on almost everything. We split up and got back together a lot in the last year of our relationship and the truth is i just kept hanging on. And i never thought that we would grow apart. I believe i always loved steve more than he ever loved me. When it all got to much he decided he wanted to break up, due to the fact that he said he didn't want to be in a relationship he needed a break. I was honestly heart broken and i was blind to our falling outs and just presumed that we would work through it and get back together as we always did. But he did not go back on his word, it was over for us. And he never changed his mind.
Before i knew it i was still in pieces and he had moved on and found him self another girlfriend, which shattered my confidence and hurt me even more. How could he move on so quickly and how could i have been so stupid. It took me a long time to get over steve, and for months i wasn't my self. I didn't even consider putting my self back out there to date again for months, and a rebound relationship that so many people say have helped them was just not for me.
It also took me along time to adapt to being single which when i look back now i see was understandable as i had spent the last 3 and a half years of my life with this guy, day in day out. The fact that i lived in a very small town did not help my situation as when he moved out of my house he moved into his mums who lived on the same road as me, and when i would meet up with my friends i would often bump into him or hear a lot about him as we had mutual friends.
It was by no means easy but i moved on, not with another guy but in my self. My love grew less and less for steve and a huge amount of love turned into hate for steve, i despised the way he treated me and how he dealt with the break up. Until one day when i woke up i felt no love for him at all, i remember smiling so widely that day. However i did know that i would never forget him, he was my first love, and the one i lost my virginity to.
I eventually enjoyed being single and it was months later that i decided it was time for a change, i wanted to do something different and take a different path to everyone else so i applied and got the job as an Au pair in America. In the months between applying and getting on the plane i new that i would be leaving the country very soon so i shy'd away from dating as i didn't wanna build a relationship and connection with anyone and then have to leave. And i new that a long distance relationship wasn't for me. As i wanted this new start to be a completely fresh start with no strings attached.
And that it was.
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