Extending my stay in the States...

So i am afraid that it hasn't all been good news over the past couple of weeks, i have found out that it is not going to be possible to extend my stay with the Gold family beyond February. I spoke with Jill my host Mum yesterday morning and she said that she would like me to extend but for 6 months but in actual fact i would only be working for four months of that. This would have been perfect for me if i was still in the same mind frame as when i arrived, but i am not. I now want to extend my stay in NYC for as long as possible, and if i re apply for a new visa when i plan to go home at christmas then i can stay in the United states for a further year with the J1 au-pair visa. I know deep down that i a definitely not ready to go home, that is not an option for me.

So this means that i am going to have to rematch with another family and move house when my one year contract is up with the Gold family on the 21st of February. This was not what i was hoping for but the more i think about it the more i think that a change may not be such a bad thing for me. My biggest concern is that i have to fallen in love with NYC and really wish to stay here. I am happy and am settled here, and i have also made close friends here. I am not so sure that i want to leave all this behind to move to a new State, to live with a new family, and have to make all new friends and to be the new girl again. Actually i know i don't want to do that. In order for me to rematch to another state i would have to of found an amazing family that have a lot to offer me.

It is going to be sad to leave the Gold family when February comes as they have made my experience here so far a great one, in the beginning i found it hard to adapt to there culture and way of life but it grew on me very quickly. The girls behavior has also changed towards me and Emily the oldest of the two girls is changing more and more everyday she is loosing the attitude and gaining maturity and affection towards others...It has been so nice to watch her blossom as when i firs arrived here she made my job role hell and now she is a pleasure to look after (most of the time). I have also had the best work hours and vacation time. A new start is going to mean that i am going to have to step outside of my comfort zone and be open to change.

I am not going to be contacted by potential families until 6 weeks before i am due to leave the Gold family, so in the mean time i am going to enjoy the rest of my time in brooklyn to the maximum. And wrap up warm as the winter is rapidly approaching, i am looking ford to the build up of christmas in NYC, as i know it is going to be pretty spectacular.

I have been waiting for this day to come for a long time...

Today i was waiting for sarah to come home from school at the bus stop when a text message came through on my phone from my Daddy, as soon as i saw his name come up on the phone i panicked as they do not normally text my American cell phone due to the high charges for him to send and for me to receive a text message. I opened the message which read: "I can't tell you but i wish andrea could, call your auntie sarah asap. Love you." My eyes welled up immediately a i assumed that this was going to be bad news that i was going to have to receive when i called my Auntie Sarah. I read the message again and again and i was still confused by the content of it. It was my dad's birthday so i was hoping and preying that Andrea had not taken a bad turn on his birthday, as he would have been so upset and deserved nothing more than to have a nice day. I was aware that my boss had told me not to make calls to over seas but this was important and was playing on my mind. So i crossed my fingers and dialed my dads cell phone number. Much to my surprise Andrea picked up, before she even had chance to say anything i said "is everything ok"..."you don't know do you" she said "no i don't what is it"........"he finally asked me..Me and your dad are getting married" she screamed!!!! I felt the tears dripping down the side of my face but this time they where tears of happiness.

My dad had planned for him and Andrea to go to Bristol (a near by city) for a romantic night away before Andrea started her second session of kemo therapy at the Hospital. Which we all knew about but little did we know that he was going to propose, none of our family even knew he had gone to buy her a ring. My dad was lucky that it all came through for him as hours before he had planned for them to go to dinner on a boat that Andrea loves as they had been before, Andrea got sick and they didn't think that they would make the dinner reservations. Thankfully she went to sleep for an hour and woke up feeling a little better. My dad had been in contact with the restaurant staff and had arranged with them that when it was time to receive the bill that they would give it to Andrea and on it would be the words "will you marry me". When the time came and they had finished there beautiful meal, as planned the nervous waitress walked over t the table and gave Andrea the bill....As soon as she saw the bill my dad said "her face lit up and she burst into tears". My dad then went over to her side and got down on one knee and asked her again "will you marry me"?? "Of course she screamed..yes" and he placed the ring on her finger.

Whilst on the phone to them i asked Andrea "what is your ring like", i was desperate to know. You could hear the happiness in her voice when she was describing it, she said "it is just what i wanted its perfect for me". Whilst i was on the phone to them they where back at there hotel room, ordering a bottle of champagne to celebrate and calling all our further family members to share the great news.

I was truly over the moon to hear about my dad proposing, as me and andrea had been anticipating this moment for a long time. After i told Andrea how happy i was one more time and told her i loved her she put my Dad on the phone. I wished him happy birthday and congratulations trying to fight back the tears of joy. He sounded so happy, in fact i don't think i have ever heard him that happy before. He said to me "Lacey..Are you proud of me" at that point i smiled so widely and answered "yes of course i am". If i am honest i have never been more proud of him and happy about the way our relationship is working out. I may not see my Dad due to the fact that i live in another country but we do always make time to talk on the phone at least once a week which is more than we used to talk on the phone when i lived in England. I now look ford to hearing his voice and asking him general questions about how he is and how his weekend was.

Andrea has brought me and my Dad much closer together, and i can never thank her enough for that alone.

Brooklyn Bridge date...

So i have now been on four dates with Ed, the last one being sunday night when we walked the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a cold night but a clear sky so the view was intense as per usual and the manhattan skyline was breath taking. I am now starting to get a real sense of who Ed is. We seem to get on very well and i spend a lot of time laughing when we are together and on the phone which is great. And it is not just me laughing at him we are laughing together. I cant see us stopping seeing each other anytime soon which makes a change as previously by date four i have realized that i don't actually click or feel a connection with the person i have been dating, just as he has said to. It is to early to predict anything between us but i think we are going to continue to get on just fine. I tell you what i can predict though and that is that i am going to be pilling on the pounds if we keep eating pizza on our late night dates. Heeeee. Bloody americans. I also hold this guy responsible for why i have been so tired recently, he manages to keep me up late on the phone until 2am and even later when we meet. And its funny as almost every time before i see him or we talk i have perfectly good intentions of getting an early night.

Love for my family..

Recently i have been thinking a lot about where my loyalties lie when it comes to family, every time i put down the phone after talking to my Dad i feel so helpless that i am sea's apart from them when they need me the most. I call them as much as i can but it is just not the same as being there in person for someone. I can't just give her a hug when she is having a bad day or get her a glass of water when she needs one. I also can't help but think i could be doing more for her. After all i am now an 8 hour plane journey away, and as family we are all in this together.

The worst part of all this for me is recently Andrea has been really sick after her first session of kemo therapy, and every time i ring and hope to speak to her Dad says "shes not really up for talking shes taking a lie down". This upsets me as if i was there in person i wouldn't even need to be a phone call away, and i wouldn't need to hear her voice as i would be able to see her face.

No matter how sick she is her beautiful face is always trying to smile, this amazes me and tells me not to take the little things in life for granted. As this lady is battling with lung cancer and she can still shine through with her inner beauty and motherly glow towards us all.

This lady deserves a medal for all she has been through and come out stronger from.

Hmmmm...What do i want???

Recently i have been thinking more and more about what i want from someone, i don't think as of now i want a boyfriend. Life is just perfect the way it is, and i wouldn't wanna jeopardize it. Im definitely not looking for one. I am enjoying dating, but then again i am sure if i grew to really like someone i would be happy to make them my boyfriend as i am not one to ignore my feelings. But when i say "liked someone", it would have to be a lot and i would have to be convinced i was making the right decision for my self.

Before i came to the united states i was scared of meeting someone that i would grow to like as i was worried that it would end in tears for me as i would of had to have left them behind, and it wouldn't have been fair to me or them as i didn't no for definite how long i was planning on staying in the states for. And now that i am here and am dating i am afraid of growing to really like someone again as there will also come a point where i will have to leave them behind. It may feel like it is but this is not my home and at some point i have to return to England. But then again i keep telling my self just let your self go and whatever happens happens, and when the time comes there will be a way around it there always is.

It amazes me how different of a character i am now, i can be who i want to be, and i am me from the start even if i am slightly clumsy and slacking on a lil (Ok maybe a lot) of common knowledge. Dating has also made me question my self as a person, as people have asked me questions about my self i have never had to answer before. Such as:

• What makes you different from every other girl.
• What is the craziest thing you have ever done
• what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you

I learnt a lot from questions like this, and it took me on a trip down memory lane to try to find the answers .

Getting to know Ed for who he is....

So i have now been on three dates with Ed, and lastnight was my turn to pick a date ideah. And as i have missed home and English food a little this week i decided that we would go to a British Fish and chip shop in Park slope. We ate and chatted away, and then bought some English chocolate bars to take away for dessert. We then walked to the lake in prospect park, the lake looks beautiful day and night. If i ever have a bad day or want time to think i will go sit at the edge of the lake and look out into the water and let my mind get lost in thoughts. We found a romantic and peacefull spot tucked away from any other people not that there was many people in the park as it was getting late. It wasnt long before we were kissing. I am obviously attracted to Ed and things between us could have gone alot further than they did in the heat of the moment (as lets face it it's been a while). But i did not want to rush anything, so much to my bodies disgust i slowed things down. I am very carefull with who i am intimate with as many men only want one thing, and i am not one to hand it to them on a plate. I do not think for one minute that sex is all Ed wants but at the same time we have only met three times and i think things where moving a little to fast...

I also found out alot more about Ed over this date and talking on the phone the night before, he is turning out to be an interesting character, which is great as it keeps me intrigued.

So it turns out Ed has never been in love and hasn't cried in 18 years , the way he described this almost made him paint a picture of himself being heartless. But i don't think thats the case at all, when i thought deeper i thought maybe he just finds different ways of expressing himself and his emotions, and he has obviously never met the right person as far as love in concerned. As when you do fall in love you can't control it. I do wonder whither Ed had been hurt in previous relationships and now he has built up this wall that is hard to let down, however in general i find that men can detach their emotions much easier than girls. When i asked him about this he obviously was quick to jump and say "no i have not built up a wall" but i can't help but think there must be a reason behind all of this.

He also mentioned that he was in a relationship all summer and they only split up 4 weeks ago. This came as abit of a shock to me as that seems very soon to me to be moving on and looking to date someone else. By know means do i want to be a rebound for him, neither do i want to be involved with someone that has strong feelings for someone else. As that is a waste of my time and theirs. But i actually am not getting a vibe that he does still have strong feelings for this girl.

I must not let this put me off him, i will give him the benefit of the dought. But i will just be careful whilst doing so like i always am. I believe you should trust someone until they give you reason not to.

Second date...

Soo last night i went on a second date with Ed. We had planned to go to Prospect park and he had asked me to bring a blanket as he was coming straight from work. But just my luck as i pulled off the drive way it started to poor down with rain. Thankfully the rain died off a little bit so we braved the weather and went for a walk in the park, i took the blanket that i had brought as it was quite cold out and Ed said we could use it to rap it around us, he is full of bright ideas. lol. We found a nice spot in the park after walking off the main track and into the woods a little, we went to the top of some old steps and there we stayed. It wasn't long before we were kissing in the rain, i love the feeling of this and it never seems to get any less romantic. We then walked back to the car and ate pizza on the back seats. It was comforting to be in the warm and dry again but to hear the rain pelting down on the windows. Time flew by and once again before i knew it, it was 2.30am. We didn't want to leave but i had to be up at 6 oclock for work so i drove him home. Before he left we had a last goodnight kiss, which turned into 2, 3 or maybe even 4 more kisses. I really didn't want to leave but if i didn't i could of stayed sitting there all night. I had a great time, and honestly the second date was just as much fun as the first which is rare. I think that we are going to get along just fine and i am looking ford to seeing him again and getting to know him more.

I hate goodbyes

One of the downsides to having friends from all over the world is that we are all in NYC for one thing, the amazing experience and at some point the experience has to come to an end. So one of my close friends csilli is leaving to go back to Hungary this week, so this weekend we went out to a bar in wall street Manhattan, we had a great night which we always do when we all get together. It was just a shame that the reason for our night out was to celebrate Csilli's last weekend in the city that never sleeps.

Csilli is such a nice person she is very caring and is always quick to help others. She will be missed by all of us, but however the way i see it is that Hungary is not very far away from England. So when i return home i will plan a trip to visit her and Zofie our other Hungarian friend who also left recently.

I think as a person i get attached to people easily and find it hard to say goodbye. But since i have been an Au-pair in NYC i have had to say goodbye to 70% of the people that i meet, and by the end of my time here i will of had to say bye to 100% of them. So i should become an expert at saying goodbye. It is hard as this way of life in NYC has very quickly become home to me, and i no that as of now my home is still back in England.

The first date...

First dates are always hard as you can never no exactly what to expect. But actually as i was on the subway heading through Manhattan and into Queens i wasn't actually that nervous as i had spoke to him a few times on the phone and i pictured in my head what he was going to be like. When we first met surprisingly there was no awkwardness. We hugged and he asked whither i preferred Chinese or Japanese food, i answered Chinese and before i knew it we where back on the subway heading to his favorite Chinese spot. When we arrived he knew the lady that worked there as i guess he has been there many of times before she automatically knew what he wanted and he recommended a chicken dish for me so that is what i ordered. It was very nice but very filling, but when i couldn't eat it all he finished it. He was very polite he pulled out my chair for me to sit down and he payed for the meal which thinking about it now i shouldn't have let him but i did tell him that next time dinner is on me which made me feel better. We then went back on the subway and went to Queens promenade where there is a amazing view of the city, we stood talking at the very end of the promenade. He then asked me if i wanted to dance and he put on some spanish music and before i knew it i was swaying with his hands on my hips learning how to dance the spanish way..It was very romantic and something that i had never done on a first date before. After he asked if he could kiss me i said yes and we kissed it was actually quite beautiful with the view and the wind picking up blowing my hair, we then kissed again and guess what again. Before we knew it we had been kissing for quite some time lost in the moment and the guard asked us to leave as the promenade was closing. On the way home he asked if i had a good night and i answered yes of course and he asked if i wanted to do it again some time, and of course again i said yes. On the way home we listened to my ipod and we danced and sung along to the songs, and of course i had to show him some cute english bands that he had never heard of. One thing i can say about him is that he is very confident which is a great thing, but he was almost cocky but funny at the same time. But he was defiantly not boring..i just hope he can keep me interested.

A completely different ball game...

So since i have been in America i have had the chance to start over again and turn a new leaf in life. And it has been the most amazing experience so far, and this city has worked miracles for me as a person i almost feel like a new and improved lacey.

For the women out there that have just gone through a break up ...They do say that if your running away from heart break there is only one place to go...NYC. And i have full belief in that as i could completely see how this city can transform you. Shopping in New York can make you feel like your in the January sales 12 months of a year, the views can make you forget everything that is going on around you when you get lost the the gaze of the manhattan skyline, and i believe NYC is home to some of the best restraunts, bars and hang out spots.

So dating..dating in its self is new to me. As it is not popular in England to Date people especially not more than one person at once, how many people do it here. It just seems so wrong but so right at the same time. As people date for along time before they become boy friend and girlfriend. I figured that i should date and make the most of my time here that is going way to quickly. And my theory is what doesn't make a good date makes a good story, as i don't want to ever wonder what could have been.

I have met many guys since being in the states most of them through plenty of fish a dating website that my friend recommended as she met her current boyfriend through the website, which was enough proof for me that it could work. Since i created the profile i have attracted many of the wrong kind of men but also a hand full of the right kind. Also i was surprised at my self for joining a dating website as they are not popular in England unless you are getting old and desperate, where as here many people are on a dating website and also people of my age and type which helps.

But since i have been here it has made me think about what is my type of guy?? Do we have a type?? I would say that i am attracted to tall dark and handsome men with a big personality and sense of humor, but then is that judgmental and if you look outside of the box of what your looking for and are open to a change it can pay of. It has made me realize that my friends have been right all along i have been way to fussy in the past and i hope to change that slightly for the future. However i am never going to settle for any less than what is the best in my eyes, the right person for me is out there somewhere, you just have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince.

In the very beginning and Firstly in the dating game along came Angel who i met on plenty of fish, he was tall, mixed race with dark hair and beautiful eyes. He was in the music scene and wore skinny jeans which was not at all the type of guy that i would normally go for, but i thought what the hell. We spoke for weeks online and on the phone and then we planned a date to meet up. He also lived in brooklyn so we met at coney island and went to an italian restraunt and then we walked to the water where it began to poor down with rain. Much to my surprise this only added to the evening as we kissed in the rain and then kissed in the rain again and again i must have been attracted to him as i had it in my head that you shouldn't kiss someone on a first date. But that theory went out of the window. As we spoke more i grew to like him as a person until it came to our second date and i got ready to meet him and as i rang him to ask where we was meeting he didn't pick up his phone, so i rang again and he still didn't pick up. Then i heard nothing until two days later when i got a message saying that he was sorry and not really giving a reason behind it other than he had to "sort some stuff out". So me being me, figured he was going to be a waste of my time so deleted his number and removed him as a friend on facebook. It may seem a little extreme but all he had to do was pick up the phone or text me and say he couldn't make it instaid of letting me think that we were meeting and then i hear nothing. He try'd to get back in contact with me a few times and recently he actually wrote to me on facebook saying that he was sorry and asked if we could start over again. My friends said lacey you should give him a second chance and i do believe that everyone deserves a second chance but no one deserves a third. So i gave him my number and we are now back in contact well actually we have hardly spoke and this time around i am not feeling the same connection so i am not sure if we are going to meet again.

Then along came fred..Who is typically more my cup of tea he is very tall and good looking in my eyes, if i saw him walking down the street i would definitely turn around to get a second look. He also has a big personality to match his big job plans and life style, he is a professional ballet dancer for the dance theatre of Harlem and he has big plans for his future. Which is great that he knows what he wants. However he is often traveling the states to perform. But when he is in New York we meet and we have been on a fare few romantic dates. Including dates in central park, Bryant park, and the Brooklyn bridge. I enjoy spending time with fred in person, except from when i feel he talks about him self a little to much but i guess he has worked hard for what he has and has earnt the right to do so. But in between our dates we haven't spoke much as via text messages he gives one word answers and on the phone he talks a lot and occasionally bores me to death. So that leeds me to believe fred is not the one for me, but is still a very attractive man that i still enjoy spending time with. Also only recently has fred began to make me laugh as before he seemed to be very serious and work focused even when he was on a date. But as of now i can't see fred being the American boy that really captures my heart but time will tell.

Then before the summer along came Juwon...Who was similar to fred but didn't quite have the wow factor when it came to looks like fred. He came across as nervous and not very confident and he seemed to go along with everything that i said, however after a couple of dates he became more fun to be around and we would talk on the phone a lot as we didn't date as often as he was from New Jersey and i was working a lot at that time. However when it came to the summer i was going to be in England for two months, and that is were it all went wrong as i would say to him "have a great summer and don't think about me and if we actually like each other then we will talk again when i get back" i enjoyed my summer and in England and also went on holiday to spain with my girlfriends i didn't stay in contact with him when i was gone and when i returned if i am honest i didn't really feel an urge to get back in contact with him again. I felt a little bad but at the same time if it wasn't going anywhere i am not one to waste my time or his. Don't get me wrong he was very nice but not for me, he would have made a good friend but i am not so sure that he wanted to be just my friend.

And last but not least in my dating history in the States along came Edd, who i have only very recently met also on plenty of fish. He is very cute and i enjoyed reading about him on his profile he seemed a little different to the average man on plenty of fish he seemed like he had a sense of humor and like he could hold a intelligent conversation. My opinion of him was right after talking for a few days i gave him my cell phone number and we spoke on the phone and hit it off and arranged a date....

Men who would have them!!

Love life...What love life?

So before i was even considering moving abroad way before the thought had ever crossed my mind. I was in a long term relationship with my x boyfriend steve. We where together for 3 and a half years, i fell head over heels for this boy from day one. He was my school crush and summer love when i was 15 and that is where it all started. There was just something about him that i was instantly drawn to. Are relationship was all i wanted and more for the first two years. And then it all started to very slowly fall apart, we learnt that we where leading two very different life styles, with completely different views, opinions and morals on almost everything. We split up and got back together a lot in the last year of our relationship and the truth is i just kept hanging on. And i never thought that we would grow apart. I believe i always loved steve more than he ever loved me. When it all got to much he decided he wanted to break up, due to the fact that he said he didn't want to be in a relationship he needed a break. I was honestly heart broken and i was blind to our falling outs and just presumed that we would work through it and get back together as we always did. But he did not go back on his word, it was over for us. And he never changed his mind.

Before i knew it i was still in pieces and he had moved on and found him self another girlfriend, which shattered my confidence and hurt me even more. How could he move on so quickly and how could i have been so stupid. It took me a long time to get over steve, and for months i wasn't my self. I didn't even consider putting my self back out there to date again for months, and a rebound relationship that so many people say have helped them was just not for me.

It also took me along time to adapt to being single which when i look back now i see was understandable as i had spent the last 3 and a half years of my life with this guy, day in day out. The fact that i lived in a very small town did not help my situation as when he moved out of my house he moved into his mums who lived on the same road as me, and when i would meet up with my friends i would often bump into him or hear a lot about him as we had mutual friends.

It was by no means easy but i moved on, not with another guy but in my self. My love grew less and less for steve and a huge amount of love turned into hate for steve, i despised the way he treated me and how he dealt with the break up. Until one day when i woke up i felt no love for him at all, i remember smiling so widely that day. However i did know that i would never forget him, he was my first love, and the one i lost my virginity to.

I eventually enjoyed being single and it was months later that i decided it was time for a change, i wanted to do something different and take a different path to everyone else so i applied and got the job as an Au pair in America. In the months between applying and getting on the plane i new that i would be leaving the country very soon so i shy'd away from dating as i didn't wanna build a relationship and connection with anyone and then have to leave. And i new that a long distance relationship wasn't for me. As i wanted this new start to be a completely fresh start with no strings attached.

And that it was.