Extending my stay in the States...

So i am afraid that it hasn't all been good news over the past couple of weeks, i have found out that it is not going to be possible to extend my stay with the Gold family beyond February. I spoke with Jill my host Mum yesterday morning and she said that she would like me to extend but for 6 months but in actual fact i would only be working for four months of that. This would have been perfect for me if i was still in the same mind frame as when i arrived, but i am not. I now want to extend my stay in NYC for as long as possible, and if i re apply for a new visa when i plan to go home at christmas then i can stay in the United states for a further year with the J1 au-pair visa. I know deep down that i a definitely not ready to go home, that is not an option for me.

So this means that i am going to have to rematch with another family and move house when my one year contract is up with the Gold family on the 21st of February. This was not what i was hoping for but the more i think about it the more i think that a change may not be such a bad thing for me. My biggest concern is that i have to fallen in love with NYC and really wish to stay here. I am happy and am settled here, and i have also made close friends here. I am not so sure that i want to leave all this behind to move to a new State, to live with a new family, and have to make all new friends and to be the new girl again. Actually i know i don't want to do that. In order for me to rematch to another state i would have to of found an amazing family that have a lot to offer me.

It is going to be sad to leave the Gold family when February comes as they have made my experience here so far a great one, in the beginning i found it hard to adapt to there culture and way of life but it grew on me very quickly. The girls behavior has also changed towards me and Emily the oldest of the two girls is changing more and more everyday she is loosing the attitude and gaining maturity and affection towards others...It has been so nice to watch her blossom as when i firs arrived here she made my job role hell and now she is a pleasure to look after (most of the time). I have also had the best work hours and vacation time. A new start is going to mean that i am going to have to step outside of my comfort zone and be open to change.

I am not going to be contacted by potential families until 6 weeks before i am due to leave the Gold family, so in the mean time i am going to enjoy the rest of my time in brooklyn to the maximum. And wrap up warm as the winter is rapidly approaching, i am looking ford to the build up of christmas in NYC, as i know it is going to be pretty spectacular.

I have been waiting for this day to come for a long time...

Today i was waiting for sarah to come home from school at the bus stop when a text message came through on my phone from my Daddy, as soon as i saw his name come up on the phone i panicked as they do not normally text my American cell phone due to the high charges for him to send and for me to receive a text message. I opened the message which read: "I can't tell you but i wish andrea could, call your auntie sarah asap. Love you." My eyes welled up immediately a i assumed that this was going to be bad news that i was going to have to receive when i called my Auntie Sarah. I read the message again and again and i was still confused by the content of it. It was my dad's birthday so i was hoping and preying that Andrea had not taken a bad turn on his birthday, as he would have been so upset and deserved nothing more than to have a nice day. I was aware that my boss had told me not to make calls to over seas but this was important and was playing on my mind. So i crossed my fingers and dialed my dads cell phone number. Much to my surprise Andrea picked up, before she even had chance to say anything i said "is everything ok"..."you don't know do you" she said "no i don't what is it"........"he finally asked me..Me and your dad are getting married" she screamed!!!! I felt the tears dripping down the side of my face but this time they where tears of happiness.

My dad had planned for him and Andrea to go to Bristol (a near by city) for a romantic night away before Andrea started her second session of kemo therapy at the Hospital. Which we all knew about but little did we know that he was going to propose, none of our family even knew he had gone to buy her a ring. My dad was lucky that it all came through for him as hours before he had planned for them to go to dinner on a boat that Andrea loves as they had been before, Andrea got sick and they didn't think that they would make the dinner reservations. Thankfully she went to sleep for an hour and woke up feeling a little better. My dad had been in contact with the restaurant staff and had arranged with them that when it was time to receive the bill that they would give it to Andrea and on it would be the words "will you marry me". When the time came and they had finished there beautiful meal, as planned the nervous waitress walked over t the table and gave Andrea the bill....As soon as she saw the bill my dad said "her face lit up and she burst into tears". My dad then went over to her side and got down on one knee and asked her again "will you marry me"?? "Of course she screamed..yes" and he placed the ring on her finger.

Whilst on the phone to them i asked Andrea "what is your ring like", i was desperate to know. You could hear the happiness in her voice when she was describing it, she said "it is just what i wanted its perfect for me". Whilst i was on the phone to them they where back at there hotel room, ordering a bottle of champagne to celebrate and calling all our further family members to share the great news.

I was truly over the moon to hear about my dad proposing, as me and andrea had been anticipating this moment for a long time. After i told Andrea how happy i was one more time and told her i loved her she put my Dad on the phone. I wished him happy birthday and congratulations trying to fight back the tears of joy. He sounded so happy, in fact i don't think i have ever heard him that happy before. He said to me "Lacey..Are you proud of me" at that point i smiled so widely and answered "yes of course i am". If i am honest i have never been more proud of him and happy about the way our relationship is working out. I may not see my Dad due to the fact that i live in another country but we do always make time to talk on the phone at least once a week which is more than we used to talk on the phone when i lived in England. I now look ford to hearing his voice and asking him general questions about how he is and how his weekend was.

Andrea has brought me and my Dad much closer together, and i can never thank her enough for that alone.

Brooklyn Bridge date...

So i have now been on four dates with Ed, the last one being sunday night when we walked the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a cold night but a clear sky so the view was intense as per usual and the manhattan skyline was breath taking. I am now starting to get a real sense of who Ed is. We seem to get on very well and i spend a lot of time laughing when we are together and on the phone which is great. And it is not just me laughing at him we are laughing together. I cant see us stopping seeing each other anytime soon which makes a change as previously by date four i have realized that i don't actually click or feel a connection with the person i have been dating, just as he has said to. It is to early to predict anything between us but i think we are going to continue to get on just fine. I tell you what i can predict though and that is that i am going to be pilling on the pounds if we keep eating pizza on our late night dates. Heeeee. Bloody americans. I also hold this guy responsible for why i have been so tired recently, he manages to keep me up late on the phone until 2am and even later when we meet. And its funny as almost every time before i see him or we talk i have perfectly good intentions of getting an early night.

Love for my family..

Recently i have been thinking a lot about where my loyalties lie when it comes to family, every time i put down the phone after talking to my Dad i feel so helpless that i am sea's apart from them when they need me the most. I call them as much as i can but it is just not the same as being there in person for someone. I can't just give her a hug when she is having a bad day or get her a glass of water when she needs one. I also can't help but think i could be doing more for her. After all i am now an 8 hour plane journey away, and as family we are all in this together.

The worst part of all this for me is recently Andrea has been really sick after her first session of kemo therapy, and every time i ring and hope to speak to her Dad says "shes not really up for talking shes taking a lie down". This upsets me as if i was there in person i wouldn't even need to be a phone call away, and i wouldn't need to hear her voice as i would be able to see her face.

No matter how sick she is her beautiful face is always trying to smile, this amazes me and tells me not to take the little things in life for granted. As this lady is battling with lung cancer and she can still shine through with her inner beauty and motherly glow towards us all.

This lady deserves a medal for all she has been through and come out stronger from.

Hmmmm...What do i want???

Recently i have been thinking more and more about what i want from someone, i don't think as of now i want a boyfriend. Life is just perfect the way it is, and i wouldn't wanna jeopardize it. Im definitely not looking for one. I am enjoying dating, but then again i am sure if i grew to really like someone i would be happy to make them my boyfriend as i am not one to ignore my feelings. But when i say "liked someone", it would have to be a lot and i would have to be convinced i was making the right decision for my self.

Before i came to the united states i was scared of meeting someone that i would grow to like as i was worried that it would end in tears for me as i would of had to have left them behind, and it wouldn't have been fair to me or them as i didn't no for definite how long i was planning on staying in the states for. And now that i am here and am dating i am afraid of growing to really like someone again as there will also come a point where i will have to leave them behind. It may feel like it is but this is not my home and at some point i have to return to England. But then again i keep telling my self just let your self go and whatever happens happens, and when the time comes there will be a way around it there always is.

It amazes me how different of a character i am now, i can be who i want to be, and i am me from the start even if i am slightly clumsy and slacking on a lil (Ok maybe a lot) of common knowledge. Dating has also made me question my self as a person, as people have asked me questions about my self i have never had to answer before. Such as:

• What makes you different from every other girl.
• What is the craziest thing you have ever done
• what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you

I learnt a lot from questions like this, and it took me on a trip down memory lane to try to find the answers .

Getting to know Ed for who he is....

So i have now been on three dates with Ed, and lastnight was my turn to pick a date ideah. And as i have missed home and English food a little this week i decided that we would go to a British Fish and chip shop in Park slope. We ate and chatted away, and then bought some English chocolate bars to take away for dessert. We then walked to the lake in prospect park, the lake looks beautiful day and night. If i ever have a bad day or want time to think i will go sit at the edge of the lake and look out into the water and let my mind get lost in thoughts. We found a romantic and peacefull spot tucked away from any other people not that there was many people in the park as it was getting late. It wasnt long before we were kissing. I am obviously attracted to Ed and things between us could have gone alot further than they did in the heat of the moment (as lets face it it's been a while). But i did not want to rush anything, so much to my bodies disgust i slowed things down. I am very carefull with who i am intimate with as many men only want one thing, and i am not one to hand it to them on a plate. I do not think for one minute that sex is all Ed wants but at the same time we have only met three times and i think things where moving a little to fast...

I also found out alot more about Ed over this date and talking on the phone the night before, he is turning out to be an interesting character, which is great as it keeps me intrigued.

So it turns out Ed has never been in love and hasn't cried in 18 years , the way he described this almost made him paint a picture of himself being heartless. But i don't think thats the case at all, when i thought deeper i thought maybe he just finds different ways of expressing himself and his emotions, and he has obviously never met the right person as far as love in concerned. As when you do fall in love you can't control it. I do wonder whither Ed had been hurt in previous relationships and now he has built up this wall that is hard to let down, however in general i find that men can detach their emotions much easier than girls. When i asked him about this he obviously was quick to jump and say "no i have not built up a wall" but i can't help but think there must be a reason behind all of this.

He also mentioned that he was in a relationship all summer and they only split up 4 weeks ago. This came as abit of a shock to me as that seems very soon to me to be moving on and looking to date someone else. By know means do i want to be a rebound for him, neither do i want to be involved with someone that has strong feelings for someone else. As that is a waste of my time and theirs. But i actually am not getting a vibe that he does still have strong feelings for this girl.

I must not let this put me off him, i will give him the benefit of the dought. But i will just be careful whilst doing so like i always am. I believe you should trust someone until they give you reason not to.

Second date...

Soo last night i went on a second date with Ed. We had planned to go to Prospect park and he had asked me to bring a blanket as he was coming straight from work. But just my luck as i pulled off the drive way it started to poor down with rain. Thankfully the rain died off a little bit so we braved the weather and went for a walk in the park, i took the blanket that i had brought as it was quite cold out and Ed said we could use it to rap it around us, he is full of bright ideas. lol. We found a nice spot in the park after walking off the main track and into the woods a little, we went to the top of some old steps and there we stayed. It wasn't long before we were kissing in the rain, i love the feeling of this and it never seems to get any less romantic. We then walked back to the car and ate pizza on the back seats. It was comforting to be in the warm and dry again but to hear the rain pelting down on the windows. Time flew by and once again before i knew it, it was 2.30am. We didn't want to leave but i had to be up at 6 oclock for work so i drove him home. Before he left we had a last goodnight kiss, which turned into 2, 3 or maybe even 4 more kisses. I really didn't want to leave but if i didn't i could of stayed sitting there all night. I had a great time, and honestly the second date was just as much fun as the first which is rare. I think that we are going to get along just fine and i am looking ford to seeing him again and getting to know him more.