I hate goodbyes

One of the downsides to having friends from all over the world is that we are all in NYC for one thing, the amazing experience and at some point the experience has to come to an end. So one of my close friends csilli is leaving to go back to Hungary this week, so this weekend we went out to a bar in wall street Manhattan, we had a great night which we always do when we all get together. It was just a shame that the reason for our night out was to celebrate Csilli's last weekend in the city that never sleeps.

Csilli is such a nice person she is very caring and is always quick to help others. She will be missed by all of us, but however the way i see it is that Hungary is not very far away from England. So when i return home i will plan a trip to visit her and Zofie our other Hungarian friend who also left recently.

I think as a person i get attached to people easily and find it hard to say goodbye. But since i have been an Au-pair in NYC i have had to say goodbye to 70% of the people that i meet, and by the end of my time here i will of had to say bye to 100% of them. So i should become an expert at saying goodbye. It is hard as this way of life in NYC has very quickly become home to me, and i no that as of now my home is still back in England.

The first date...

First dates are always hard as you can never no exactly what to expect. But actually as i was on the subway heading through Manhattan and into Queens i wasn't actually that nervous as i had spoke to him a few times on the phone and i pictured in my head what he was going to be like. When we first met surprisingly there was no awkwardness. We hugged and he asked whither i preferred Chinese or Japanese food, i answered Chinese and before i knew it we where back on the subway heading to his favorite Chinese spot. When we arrived he knew the lady that worked there as i guess he has been there many of times before she automatically knew what he wanted and he recommended a chicken dish for me so that is what i ordered. It was very nice but very filling, but when i couldn't eat it all he finished it. He was very polite he pulled out my chair for me to sit down and he payed for the meal which thinking about it now i shouldn't have let him but i did tell him that next time dinner is on me which made me feel better. We then went back on the subway and went to Queens promenade where there is a amazing view of the city, we stood talking at the very end of the promenade. He then asked me if i wanted to dance and he put on some spanish music and before i knew it i was swaying with his hands on my hips learning how to dance the spanish way..It was very romantic and something that i had never done on a first date before. After he asked if he could kiss me i said yes and we kissed it was actually quite beautiful with the view and the wind picking up blowing my hair, we then kissed again and guess what again. Before we knew it we had been kissing for quite some time lost in the moment and the guard asked us to leave as the promenade was closing. On the way home he asked if i had a good night and i answered yes of course and he asked if i wanted to do it again some time, and of course again i said yes. On the way home we listened to my ipod and we danced and sung along to the songs, and of course i had to show him some cute english bands that he had never heard of. One thing i can say about him is that he is very confident which is a great thing, but he was almost cocky but funny at the same time. But he was defiantly not boring..i just hope he can keep me interested.

A completely different ball game...

So since i have been in America i have had the chance to start over again and turn a new leaf in life. And it has been the most amazing experience so far, and this city has worked miracles for me as a person i almost feel like a new and improved lacey.

For the women out there that have just gone through a break up ...They do say that if your running away from heart break there is only one place to go...NYC. And i have full belief in that as i could completely see how this city can transform you. Shopping in New York can make you feel like your in the January sales 12 months of a year, the views can make you forget everything that is going on around you when you get lost the the gaze of the manhattan skyline, and i believe NYC is home to some of the best restraunts, bars and hang out spots.

So dating..dating in its self is new to me. As it is not popular in England to Date people especially not more than one person at once, how many people do it here. It just seems so wrong but so right at the same time. As people date for along time before they become boy friend and girlfriend. I figured that i should date and make the most of my time here that is going way to quickly. And my theory is what doesn't make a good date makes a good story, as i don't want to ever wonder what could have been.

I have met many guys since being in the states most of them through plenty of fish a dating website that my friend recommended as she met her current boyfriend through the website, which was enough proof for me that it could work. Since i created the profile i have attracted many of the wrong kind of men but also a hand full of the right kind. Also i was surprised at my self for joining a dating website as they are not popular in England unless you are getting old and desperate, where as here many people are on a dating website and also people of my age and type which helps.

But since i have been here it has made me think about what is my type of guy?? Do we have a type?? I would say that i am attracted to tall dark and handsome men with a big personality and sense of humor, but then is that judgmental and if you look outside of the box of what your looking for and are open to a change it can pay of. It has made me realize that my friends have been right all along i have been way to fussy in the past and i hope to change that slightly for the future. However i am never going to settle for any less than what is the best in my eyes, the right person for me is out there somewhere, you just have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince.

In the very beginning and Firstly in the dating game along came Angel who i met on plenty of fish, he was tall, mixed race with dark hair and beautiful eyes. He was in the music scene and wore skinny jeans which was not at all the type of guy that i would normally go for, but i thought what the hell. We spoke for weeks online and on the phone and then we planned a date to meet up. He also lived in brooklyn so we met at coney island and went to an italian restraunt and then we walked to the water where it began to poor down with rain. Much to my surprise this only added to the evening as we kissed in the rain and then kissed in the rain again and again i must have been attracted to him as i had it in my head that you shouldn't kiss someone on a first date. But that theory went out of the window. As we spoke more i grew to like him as a person until it came to our second date and i got ready to meet him and as i rang him to ask where we was meeting he didn't pick up his phone, so i rang again and he still didn't pick up. Then i heard nothing until two days later when i got a message saying that he was sorry and not really giving a reason behind it other than he had to "sort some stuff out". So me being me, figured he was going to be a waste of my time so deleted his number and removed him as a friend on facebook. It may seem a little extreme but all he had to do was pick up the phone or text me and say he couldn't make it instaid of letting me think that we were meeting and then i hear nothing. He try'd to get back in contact with me a few times and recently he actually wrote to me on facebook saying that he was sorry and asked if we could start over again. My friends said lacey you should give him a second chance and i do believe that everyone deserves a second chance but no one deserves a third. So i gave him my number and we are now back in contact well actually we have hardly spoke and this time around i am not feeling the same connection so i am not sure if we are going to meet again.

Then along came fred..Who is typically more my cup of tea he is very tall and good looking in my eyes, if i saw him walking down the street i would definitely turn around to get a second look. He also has a big personality to match his big job plans and life style, he is a professional ballet dancer for the dance theatre of Harlem and he has big plans for his future. Which is great that he knows what he wants. However he is often traveling the states to perform. But when he is in New York we meet and we have been on a fare few romantic dates. Including dates in central park, Bryant park, and the Brooklyn bridge. I enjoy spending time with fred in person, except from when i feel he talks about him self a little to much but i guess he has worked hard for what he has and has earnt the right to do so. But in between our dates we haven't spoke much as via text messages he gives one word answers and on the phone he talks a lot and occasionally bores me to death. So that leeds me to believe fred is not the one for me, but is still a very attractive man that i still enjoy spending time with. Also only recently has fred began to make me laugh as before he seemed to be very serious and work focused even when he was on a date. But as of now i can't see fred being the American boy that really captures my heart but time will tell.

Then before the summer along came Juwon...Who was similar to fred but didn't quite have the wow factor when it came to looks like fred. He came across as nervous and not very confident and he seemed to go along with everything that i said, however after a couple of dates he became more fun to be around and we would talk on the phone a lot as we didn't date as often as he was from New Jersey and i was working a lot at that time. However when it came to the summer i was going to be in England for two months, and that is were it all went wrong as i would say to him "have a great summer and don't think about me and if we actually like each other then we will talk again when i get back" i enjoyed my summer and in England and also went on holiday to spain with my girlfriends i didn't stay in contact with him when i was gone and when i returned if i am honest i didn't really feel an urge to get back in contact with him again. I felt a little bad but at the same time if it wasn't going anywhere i am not one to waste my time or his. Don't get me wrong he was very nice but not for me, he would have made a good friend but i am not so sure that he wanted to be just my friend.

And last but not least in my dating history in the States along came Edd, who i have only very recently met also on plenty of fish. He is very cute and i enjoyed reading about him on his profile he seemed a little different to the average man on plenty of fish he seemed like he had a sense of humor and like he could hold a intelligent conversation. My opinion of him was right after talking for a few days i gave him my cell phone number and we spoke on the phone and hit it off and arranged a date....

Men who would have them!!

Love life...What love life?

So before i was even considering moving abroad way before the thought had ever crossed my mind. I was in a long term relationship with my x boyfriend steve. We where together for 3 and a half years, i fell head over heels for this boy from day one. He was my school crush and summer love when i was 15 and that is where it all started. There was just something about him that i was instantly drawn to. Are relationship was all i wanted and more for the first two years. And then it all started to very slowly fall apart, we learnt that we where leading two very different life styles, with completely different views, opinions and morals on almost everything. We split up and got back together a lot in the last year of our relationship and the truth is i just kept hanging on. And i never thought that we would grow apart. I believe i always loved steve more than he ever loved me. When it all got to much he decided he wanted to break up, due to the fact that he said he didn't want to be in a relationship he needed a break. I was honestly heart broken and i was blind to our falling outs and just presumed that we would work through it and get back together as we always did. But he did not go back on his word, it was over for us. And he never changed his mind.

Before i knew it i was still in pieces and he had moved on and found him self another girlfriend, which shattered my confidence and hurt me even more. How could he move on so quickly and how could i have been so stupid. It took me a long time to get over steve, and for months i wasn't my self. I didn't even consider putting my self back out there to date again for months, and a rebound relationship that so many people say have helped them was just not for me.

It also took me along time to adapt to being single which when i look back now i see was understandable as i had spent the last 3 and a half years of my life with this guy, day in day out. The fact that i lived in a very small town did not help my situation as when he moved out of my house he moved into his mums who lived on the same road as me, and when i would meet up with my friends i would often bump into him or hear a lot about him as we had mutual friends.

It was by no means easy but i moved on, not with another guy but in my self. My love grew less and less for steve and a huge amount of love turned into hate for steve, i despised the way he treated me and how he dealt with the break up. Until one day when i woke up i felt no love for him at all, i remember smiling so widely that day. However i did know that i would never forget him, he was my first love, and the one i lost my virginity to.

I eventually enjoyed being single and it was months later that i decided it was time for a change, i wanted to do something different and take a different path to everyone else so i applied and got the job as an Au pair in America. In the months between applying and getting on the plane i new that i would be leaving the country very soon so i shy'd away from dating as i didn't wanna build a relationship and connection with anyone and then have to leave. And i new that a long distance relationship wasn't for me. As i wanted this new start to be a completely fresh start with no strings attached.

And that it was.

A call from home...

So today i spoke to my Dad as Andrea has now completed her first session of kemo since the cancer has come back in her lungs, she is now going to go for kemo therapy every three weeks. She is now at home and is just sleeping a lot, not her self at all and is not eating much at the moment. So Dad sounded slightly concerned on the phone. But they knew as the doctor warned them that this type of treatment does make you very tired and low on energy.

So dad said that he has been doing all of the shopping, cooking and cleaning which is different as Andrea loves her house and is normally always cleaning and making sure there are fresh candles lit, room fragrance sprayed, and cushions are layed out correctly across the sofa's. But at the moment she is unable to do so and i know she will not be happy about that as she is a very independent women in her own right. We hope that in the next week or two she improves before her next session as she will need to be strong enough to go back into hospital to have another session of kemo therapy.

I keep thinking to my self when i lay awake at night...How must my poor dad be feeling?? Every time i get upset about the horrible situation this disease has put us all in, i have to think that my dad and her two young girls must feel much worst as they are there to see he go through the pain and discomfort day in day out.

Should i extend my stay????

So recently i have been doing a lot of thinking and have decided that i want to stay in the USA for another 9 or 12 months...i have fallen in love with NYC and would happily live here in the future. But i know that not everything i want is going to happen. In my ideal world i was continue to work for the Gold family that i am working for now, as i know the children, and the area in which i live, and i no the work routine, and plus i don't work a full 45 hours and they give me a lot of vacation time to travel the States. I am happy here.

However the girls that i look after this year are going to a summer camp for 2 months instaid of one this year as they are getting older and it is what they want to do for there summer, and if they employed me for a further 9 or 12 months more they would have to pay me for the two months that i would have off which wouldn't make sense to them as they could just get a new Aupair after the summer is over, that way they wouldn't loose out on 1,600 dollars.

So i need to talk further with my host parents (which is a challenge in its self as they are always so busy) and ask whither they would actually like me to stay. And if they do maybe we could come to an arrangement where maybe i get paid for one month instaid of two in the summer??

As i would love to stay exactly were i am and travel to all other states from here.

My only other option is that i look for another host family in NY, which is not a 100 per cent guarantee as there may be no other families at that time looking for an Aupair through my agency. Or last resort would be that i could be re-match with another family in the states somewhere..maybe the west coast florida..California Mmmmmmmmm that sounds nice but would any other state now compare to this amazing city that has been my home for the past year?? I have my heart set on staying here.

Also One of my close friends jill who is also an Aupair would like to also move to NY be near to me and in the city, as now she lives in rural Virginia and it is not for her. We are a 7 hour journey apart and although we take it it turns to travel to each other twice every month the journey is way to long as we can only ever stay with each other 4 2 days due to work.

So really we have it all planned in our minds that me jill and Donelle another close friend of ours from south Africa could spend the next 9 months after we complete our first year in the city together. We truly enjoy each others company and we would have a great time.

Sooo what will it be..i will soon see...When my host parents get 5 minutes off work and can put down their blackberry's and have a conversation with me about extension.....

Please propose....

I want nothing more than for my dad and Andrea to get married. They are so happy and i no that she wishes to get married soon before the cancer gets any worst. Over the past year they have been on many romantic weekends away and every time i hope that he would ask her to marry him. Im desperately waiting for the day that she calls to tell me the news.

I mean we are women so we have discussed the wedding and what she would like it to be like, infact we have discussed every aspect of it from the dresses, food, dj's and location. Andrea no's she would like me, India, Jazmin and Tom to be the brides maids and page boy. So i would be head bridesmaid.

They have spoke about getting married and they have decided against Dad's idea for the wedding which was to get married abroad, as Andrea wanted every member of her family there to witness the day. And they decided on a traditional church wedding with an un-traditonal after party. The after party will be in a huge ball room. They also want the wedding to be as late on in the afternoon as possible so that it will roll straight on to the family and friend filled party, with a buffet. They chose this option as they do not want to leave any one of the guest list, and they just want to purely celebrate what they have with loved ones. I think it is a great idea and it suites them down to the ground.

I can not wait for then to get married it will be one of the best days of my life, besides my own wedding day it will just be such a meaningful day to alot of people.And i think i need to have a private chat with my dad to hurry him along, i think andrea will appreciate that.