A call from home...

So today i spoke to my Dad as Andrea has now completed her first session of kemo since the cancer has come back in her lungs, she is now going to go for kemo therapy every three weeks. She is now at home and is just sleeping a lot, not her self at all and is not eating much at the moment. So Dad sounded slightly concerned on the phone. But they knew as the doctor warned them that this type of treatment does make you very tired and low on energy.

So dad said that he has been doing all of the shopping, cooking and cleaning which is different as Andrea loves her house and is normally always cleaning and making sure there are fresh candles lit, room fragrance sprayed, and cushions are layed out correctly across the sofa's. But at the moment she is unable to do so and i know she will not be happy about that as she is a very independent women in her own right. We hope that in the next week or two she improves before her next session as she will need to be strong enough to go back into hospital to have another session of kemo therapy.

I keep thinking to my self when i lay awake at night...How must my poor dad be feeling?? Every time i get upset about the horrible situation this disease has put us all in, i have to think that my dad and her two young girls must feel much worst as they are there to see he go through the pain and discomfort day in day out.

Should i extend my stay????

So recently i have been doing a lot of thinking and have decided that i want to stay in the USA for another 9 or 12 months...i have fallen in love with NYC and would happily live here in the future. But i know that not everything i want is going to happen. In my ideal world i was continue to work for the Gold family that i am working for now, as i know the children, and the area in which i live, and i no the work routine, and plus i don't work a full 45 hours and they give me a lot of vacation time to travel the States. I am happy here.

However the girls that i look after this year are going to a summer camp for 2 months instaid of one this year as they are getting older and it is what they want to do for there summer, and if they employed me for a further 9 or 12 months more they would have to pay me for the two months that i would have off which wouldn't make sense to them as they could just get a new Aupair after the summer is over, that way they wouldn't loose out on 1,600 dollars.

So i need to talk further with my host parents (which is a challenge in its self as they are always so busy) and ask whither they would actually like me to stay. And if they do maybe we could come to an arrangement where maybe i get paid for one month instaid of two in the summer??

As i would love to stay exactly were i am and travel to all other states from here.

My only other option is that i look for another host family in NY, which is not a 100 per cent guarantee as there may be no other families at that time looking for an Aupair through my agency. Or last resort would be that i could be re-match with another family in the states somewhere..maybe the west coast florida..California Mmmmmmmmm that sounds nice but would any other state now compare to this amazing city that has been my home for the past year?? I have my heart set on staying here.

Also One of my close friends jill who is also an Aupair would like to also move to NY be near to me and in the city, as now she lives in rural Virginia and it is not for her. We are a 7 hour journey apart and although we take it it turns to travel to each other twice every month the journey is way to long as we can only ever stay with each other 4 2 days due to work.

So really we have it all planned in our minds that me jill and Donelle another close friend of ours from south Africa could spend the next 9 months after we complete our first year in the city together. We truly enjoy each others company and we would have a great time.

Sooo what will it be..i will soon see...When my host parents get 5 minutes off work and can put down their blackberry's and have a conversation with me about extension.....

Please propose....

I want nothing more than for my dad and Andrea to get married. They are so happy and i no that she wishes to get married soon before the cancer gets any worst. Over the past year they have been on many romantic weekends away and every time i hope that he would ask her to marry him. Im desperately waiting for the day that she calls to tell me the news.

I mean we are women so we have discussed the wedding and what she would like it to be like, infact we have discussed every aspect of it from the dresses, food, dj's and location. Andrea no's she would like me, India, Jazmin and Tom to be the brides maids and page boy. So i would be head bridesmaid.

They have spoke about getting married and they have decided against Dad's idea for the wedding which was to get married abroad, as Andrea wanted every member of her family there to witness the day. And they decided on a traditional church wedding with an un-traditonal after party. The after party will be in a huge ball room. They also want the wedding to be as late on in the afternoon as possible so that it will roll straight on to the family and friend filled party, with a buffet. They chose this option as they do not want to leave any one of the guest list, and they just want to purely celebrate what they have with loved ones. I think it is a great idea and it suites them down to the ground.

I can not wait for then to get married it will be one of the best days of my life, besides my own wedding day it will just be such a meaningful day to alot of people.And i think i need to have a private chat with my dad to hurry him along, i think andrea will appreciate that.

Back to reality..

Today i got a call from my dad. I was expecting him to call to update me on Andrea. As the day they got back from there holiday in Florida she was struggling to breath and she felt a pressure on her chest. So she went straight to the doctors who refferd her to the hospital. He explained that she was still in hospital and that she had been there since the doctors had sent her there. She had been having treatment everyday to remove the fluid from her lungs as that was what was causing the problem with her breathing.

Dad also said "its always one thing after another for her lacey, its not fair". I agreed. He then reassured me and him self by saying "but she is ok...you know she is at the hospital now making friends with all of the old ladies and their guests on her ward , and she is laughing and joking with the nurses; she is in high spirits".

Andrea is now thankfully out of hospital and is waiting to start kemo therapy, a week from now. She is happy to be at home and to get to spend some quality time with her family. I just hope nothing else occurs or go's wrong before then. As it seems that as soon as one thing gets better another health problem occurs.

Its like a roller-coaster ride there are ups and downs and its not going to be an easy ride but you just have to hang on.

A once in a life time experience...

Once i arrived back in NYC i spoke to Dad and Andrea on the phone when ever we had the chance..And one day when i had called and Dad answered the first thing he said to me was "Call back tomorrow" and Andrea will have some news to tell you...sooo straight away i asked is it bad news..He said "no lacey" proudly "its not bad news for once". So i put the phone down and racked my mind for what it could be that they was going to tell me.

So i the next day i picked up the phone and dialed there home number..after only two rings Andrea picked up the phone and said in pure excitement "i am going to Orlando Florida". I couldn't believe it..How and when i asked in pure shock as i knew that they didn't have the money to up and go on a holiday like that. She explained that her very nice nurse that she had formed a close relationship with over the months had got in contact with the local Hospice and after some persuading (as funds are short in the recession) the charity offered to pay for Andrea, Dad, India and Jazmin to go to Florida for two weeks. They payed for their flights, accommodation, and access to the parks. And her nurse even payed out of her own pocket for them to have a car hire for the 2 weeks. Andrea was over the moon and was so happy to be given this opportunity from the charity. But you new that in the back of her mind she was thinking the same as her girls. Why have i been given this..Do the doctors no details that i don't..Do i not have long to live? These were all questions we were thinking but did not want to ask. They managed to look on the bright side and before we knew it they were on there way to the airport.

I spoke to them twice whilst they were on there holiday and they all sounded so happy.

Andrea told me that she went on her first roller-coaster ride in universal studios, she went up in a helicopter over international drive, and that she fed dolphins in sea world resort. She was so happy you could hear it in her voice. No body could thank the charity enough for what they did for them and what they do for so many families in need. They had a once in a life time experience and enjoyed every minute of it...But If anyone deserved it then they did after all they had been through.

The charity that made it all happen...

http://www.somerset-hospice.org.uk

True to my word.. My trip to visit Dad and Andrea

The trip was different this time around. All of the way to Somerset in the car my mind was wondering. I was thinking over and over what am i going to say to Andrea when i see her.

As i new i wanted to say that i am sorry that this has happened to her and tell her that she doesn't deserve this in fact no one does. However i was expecting there to be some upset in the house. I was wrong when we arrived i took a long pause and gathered my self before i opened the door...i shouted "helloooo" but no one answered...Just as they always were on a friday night my dad..andrea..Auntie Sarah and Jemma and scott (Andreas brother and sister in law) were sat out in the beautiful garden with the umbrella over them..Andrea was lighting candles when i shouted down to them "helooo" again they all came over and hugged and welcomed me and they were quick to got us a drink of course an alcoholic one. And then we all continued laughing and reminiscing on the week we had all had. I was pleasantly surprised they were all continuing as normal..and there was no talk of the cancer what so ever. The night was drawing in...so we all took are glasses and went an sat inside. We all watched big brother and just enjoyed each others company. The week i spent with them went quickly and i enjoyed it as i always did...me and Andrea had many lazy days in front of the TV whilst dad was at work and whilst the children are at school...We would just chat the day away and watch The Jeremy Kyle show. I used to visit them often but as i now don't get to see them very much i cherish the time we have together.

We also went out for dinner one night..and we went on to my dads local pub after...My dad is close friends with the landlord and had alot of friends in the pub so he was chatting away at he other end of the bar..So me and Andrea pulled up a stall at the bar and we drank drink after drink..and we chatted and sung along to old songs at the dupe box without a care in the world. It was truly a great night and i was thinking to my self i should consider my self lucky to enjoy my self as much as i do when i am out with my family.

Before i knew it..It was time to pack my suitcase up and leave for the airport. My dad and friend took me to London heathrow...Before we left it was sad to say goodbye to Andrea as i new i was going to miss her alot and since she has been ill i want to be there for her as much as i can and it is hard to feel like you are doing that when you are in another country.

But we told our self's we will see each other at christmas which made us smile. When we arrived at the airport i said my fair wells to my Dad and good friend Hannah and went through security..Once i got through to the other side of customs i felt a tear dripping down my face so i quickly wiped it away and told my self it wont be long before i see them again.

To good to be true...

However all of the above is way to picture perfect. And about two year ago from now our lifes came crashing down when we realized that Andrea had Cancer. She had found a lump in her leg and we had all seen it and thought it would have just been a lump of tissue or a abscess. She finally went to the doctors and was refered to the hospital were she went for a number of visits and had found out that the lump had been cancerous. It was a pure shock and i will never forget the day when i got a phone call from my dad telling me the news i could hear the pure devistaion in his voice and i was in total dis-belief. She was so young and had two young daughters and my dad was finally happy....i just thought no this can't be happening to us.

Andrea was a true fighter and she completed session after session of kemo therapy, she started almost straight away after she got the terrible news. She then had a further operation that they believed removed all of the cancer that the kemo had not been able to shrink. She spent alot of time in and out of the hospital and my dad was by her side every step of the way and all of her family helped alot with the care of her children and the house work. After the operation it was a very long recovery process in fact i don't think she ever fully recovered. She was left with a very swollen leg and a small hole in the back of her knee as that is were the cancer was taken out from....but that was nothing compared to the fact that we all thought she may never be able to walk again. We also knew that during the operation she may have had to have had her leg amputated. But Andrea the strong willed person that she is she was not fazed by the chance that she may wake up from this with only one leg, as she openly said to the surgeon just do everything and anything you can to get this cancer out of my body. When she returned home, they re-arranged the house and she had a bedroom made for her down stairs as she would not of been able to get up and down the stairs to get to bed every night. And she had nurses come and visit her twice a day to change her dressing and assist her. Her daughters and my dad were great to her as expected and they did everything they could to make her feel comftable. They became full time carers for her in there own ways. Over the months the nurses visits got fewer her leg got slightly smaller and she was able to leave the house in a wheel chair. She was so strong through out all of this and she was determined that she would make a full recovery.

She eventually began to walk small distances with two crutches and her hair grew back very slowly which she was over the moon about. She was a very strong person inside and out but you could see that this had affected her hugely as it would anyone. Before this happened she was a very talented hair dresser and she ran her own business from home, she would socialize often with her friends and family as they are very close and her and my dad would go away to festivals and enjoy each others company on a daily basis just as happy couples do. Her life has changed dramatically she now can no longer work so she had to give up her business, she had to reliy on other people for most things which she hated as she is a very independent person, she can no longer drive, do her own shopping or washing. She was now disabled. But she managed she had a close net work of friends and family that all helped as much as they possibly could.

Soon things were looking up she was looking and feeling better within her self..and she was starting to go out more even if it was just to the shopping market by taxi as it was to far for her to walk. She was then able to move back up stairs with my dad in her bedroom again, and with all that her confidence was shinning through again. She was regularly going for check ups at the doctors and hospital and about a year ago from now she got the all clear that she was clear of cancer..This was a huge relief for everyone and from then on Andrea still progressed to get better at a slow and steady pace. At christmas i decided to spend my time with her and my dad and for everyone she was close to it was the best Christmas gift anyone could have asked for she was free from the horrible disease that destroys so many people life's. We celebrated and Andrea made an emotional speech and so did her mother Jill to thank everyone for all the help and support that they had given her.

Life after christmas continued to look up for Andrea and if anyone deserved it, it was her. My dad and her went on many romantic weekends away to london and Bristol and they were truely happy again. When i left for the states in February i was so happy that she was on the mend and that her and my dad would be just fine i knew he would look after her. I missed them alot but spoke to them on the phone regularly. Time was flying by and before i new it i was going home for a visit in july i was so exited to see them. I noticed a huge change in Andrea she was almost back to her normal self she looked glowing and just beautiful and she had hair on her head. I loved my time that i spent with them and it was not a sad good bye as thankfully my job allowed me to be back in August for another visit.

Before i knew it i was back on the plane to England. This time around i spent the first week of my holiday back at home with my mum and family and friends in Devon. It was during this time that it all changed.

At the beginning of the week my dad called me and we arranged a date that i would be coming up to see him, he sounded very happy that i would be visiting. But he also mentioned that Andrea had been a little down recently and he said i am hoping that you visiting and being company for her whilst i am work and the kids are at school every day will cheer her up. I was sad to hear that, but was looking ford to seeing her again. Dad also said that she was feeling sick alot and that she had not been able to keep her food down. But we all put that down to her tablets and medicine that she had been taking as she had been taking so much medication it was un-real that the human body could physically take in that much.

Any way i didn't think about it to much and it was two days before i was about to visit that i got a phone call from my dad. The call started out as it normally would he asked how i am and what i had been doing, but his voice tone was a little more nervous and hesitant as normal he sounded upset. So i said Dad are you ok he said Lacey i have got some bad news for you. So i assumed it would be a member of our family had died possibly a great auntie or uncle that i don't see much. I could not have been more wrong, it was something much closer to home, "its andrea the cancer is back" my face dropped and i did not know what to say so he carried on and said "it has spread to her lungs" it must have been like talking to a brick wall for him as i was not speaking neither was i crying i was in pure shock. So what will they do i finally managed to say? This time round dad was the one that was hesitant in talking "well lacey he said" in a more serious tone "they can not operate this time the only thing that they can do it give her kemo therapy that should shrink the cancer" i still did not know what to say but by this time i was fighting back the tears so dad continued to speak.."it is not curable..They can not remove the cancer this time due to were it is...It is to close to her vital organs". I was just staring at the wall and thinking about how upset they must have all been when they found out. Unlike them i was the only member of that side of the family in Devon so i was going to have to deal with this on my own. "Are you ok lacey" dad said he repeated himself "lace are you ok" he knew that i wasn't but he must off felt he had to ask and get a positive answer before he could end the phone call. "yes" i said quietly, why i said that i don't know as i was far from ok. "He ended the call by saying "are you with anyone at the moment" i wasn't but my best friend was due over anytime, he said "thats ok then" and said "i will call you later on lace i love you". The second i put the phone down, i sank to the floor and burst into tears i don't think i have ever felt that much hurt before. I did not move and for at least 15 minutes i just sat there curled up looking at the blank wall from the bathroom floor. Just as i managed to pull my self up the front door opened and olivia walked in..."what's wrong" was the first thing she said, i said nothing and the tears came flooding out, "lacey what is it" she said sounding more stern this time. Its Andrea i wailed her cancer is back with that she opened her arms and we hugged. For that hole afternoon it felt like my world had been turned up side down and i knew that in my mind i was thinking the worse. Later that day my auntie had called which i knew my dad would have asked her to do to check on me, this time i did not cry i just wanted to know more about what the doctors and nurses had said i didn't want her to miss out any information. After a long explanation my auntie asked "you are still coming up to stay with your dad and andrea though aren't you" i was not sure wither i could face it but i plucked up the courage to say said yes, I thought about seeing her alot over the next couple of days before the visit and i played over and over again in my mind not what i wanted to say but what would i say, and i thought about how i would stop my self from crying.