Family..

Sometimes when i lay in bed at night and think about my life..i have realised that i should be greatfull for what i do have and i have learned never to take anything or anyone for granted. I have a mum, two brothers, 2 beautifull sisters, a dad, and truely the most amazing step mum i could ever ask for.

And i know that no matter what life may through at me, they will always be there for me. And that is more than what alot of people can say for there family's. Life is not always easy and my parents divorceing when i was young has not always made my up bringing a walk in the park, but i had a happy childhood and all the love and support a girl could need. My mum has struggled being a single parent with four demanding children...but has always done everything in her power to make us children happy. She has worked long and hard hours to get us the latest trends in fashion when it came to cloths, and the latest toys on the shelf that we longed for so bad as children. As i have grown older i have realised we have never thanked her enough for all she has done, instaid we have just been ungreatfull about all she hasnt been able to afford. Me and all my friends have always said along with half of the small town i live in that if we ever won the lottery my mum would be getting a house and a car and anything she needed or wanted for that matter. As pay back for all she has done for everyone. I believe my mum is truely an inspiration and purely a beautifull person insde and out. Since i have been away i have realised that my mum has been struggling more and more each day with money as she has sadly lost one of her two jobs. But she has been soldiering on. God do i whish that i earnt that bit more sometimes so that i could send her home money each week.....but as i am typing i know that my mum will be out there looking for another job to work her hardest at. And deep down i know she will be fine as she always is.

I am truely greatfull for all the loving and caring people that i am surrounded by. And i can honestly say i do not know what i would do without any of them. As i love them all equally but in different ways.

Now life on my dads side of the family has been different....i used to visit my dad twice a month when i was a little girl, and would meet my dad half way between were my mum lived and were my dad lived. I have only happy memories from this, which is also down to one lady my nanny mollie. This lady would make me feel at home and welcome, she would cuddle me, love me and give me everything i could possibly ask for when i was visiting..she truely spoilt me. As i got older and when my nan sadly passed away i realised that she was one of the main reasons i traveld that way twice a month...and i started to not want to go up Bridgewater as much any more partly as well because i was getting older and friends and my boyfriend i thought were more important. My dad loves me and i know that he always will, but there has been times i have felt hurt about the way that he treated my mum and me when i was a baby.

However Now me and my Dad have what i would call a stable relationship i visit him when i am home from America and we talk on the phone regularly. Before i left for the States i found my self spending alot of time with him and i think that is because he is a changed man now. He is family orientated and he has a beautiful girlfriend and two step daughters that i care alot for. He lives with them and works hard. I can tell this relationship is very different to alot of the other relationships my dad has been in before. He has had a fair few girlfriends for as long as i can remember..all of them being young and pretty but not the typical step mum or someone that i could see sticking around long term. And i was right. Untill Andrea come along.

She is the complete package she is beautiful, caring, honest and truely a loving person and i no that my dad worships the ground she walks on; he would do anything for her and that is wonderful to see. I believe my dad has found his soul mate and i have gained the best step mum i could ask for. I have built up a close relationship with Andrea over the years and now i can honestly say i miss her alot, she has never tryed to be anything she isnt and has never forced our relationship she has always been straight with me and i now trust her enough to call her and talk to her if i ever have a bad day or a problem, as well as a step mum she is a true friend....

Part one...Friends for life.

For as long as i can remember...my friends have always ment alot to me. I think your friends are the family that you choose. Through out the years many friends have been and gone but one has always been there, Liv. She has been there for me through good and bad. That doesnt mean that we don't fall out occationally because believe me we do. I put that down to the fact that we have two very different life styles, views and oppinions..We have been friends all the way through infant, juniour, senior school and college...and i can honestly say i don't think our friendship will ever end.

Liv's way of doing what she thought was right, was to try and perswade me not to go to America in her own way, purely i think as she may have thought she was going to be loosing a best friend; but i knew that would never be the case. Againts all the odds i left, and we still talk (and when i say talk i mean talk for England) every week on the phone.

I have three other very close friends, that were supportive of me leaving them behind and taking a chance with a fresh start. I feel that they all knew that although i am leaving them in person i will always be thinking about them and remembering all the great times we have spent together.

It diddnt happen as often as it used to but when we did all get together and we would all get a phone call that sounded abit like "claires at 7oclock" i used to smile widely as i knew full well that we would have a girls night inthat i would never forget. And these nights have always been playing in the back of my mind as i knew i was going to miss them alot. We would sit and eat untill we couldnt eat no more after bickering over what chinnease to order, and we would drink cup after cup of Tea. We would watch movies that would make us cry with tears of sadness and some that would make us cry with tears of laughter. But the honest truth is we diddnt need a movie to make us cry of laughter. When us girls were in each others company and not in the public eye the jokes and stories would come out. And we did not hold back. The conversations and the topics that we discussed in that living room were not for the ears of any one other than us...even the boyfriends were never to know.

These nights got fewer but never stopped..two out of the four of us have beautifull children one being my precious God child Lucas...and all of our our lifes were both demanding and time consuming. But we did always still make an effort, even if on a saturday night we no longer went clubbing out on the town and we stayed in together with the children infront of the TV with a bottle of wine, i could still guarentee a good night. It is true "girls just wanna have fun". I have been thinking alot recently that by the time i return home from America, i hope our friendships will be alot like it was before. But i know as much as i want to i can not put the rest of the world on hold for a couple of years whilst i am traveling and having the time of my life.

Me and siobhan

me and Lucas

me and my lil sister

Culture shock.....

Living in Brooklyn has also taken alot of getting used to, firstly i have never lived in a suburb as i have always lived hours away from the nearest cities. So even the amount of people i found my self surrounded by on a daily basis was a shock to my system. Secoundly the people i found my self surrounded by were of all different races...religons...cultures and spoke many different languages. I would also say the majority of people living in my area are black and spanish followed by indian and then white Americans. There have been times when i have felt like the odd one out for being white on the bus, the chance of that ever happening in the town i previously lived in was very rare as we had very few coloured people living in our town and when i say few i mean less than 30. I never realised untill now what a shelterd life i was living, i was barely independent and relied on family and friends way to much.

Settling in....

Soooo i am now living in the heart of Brooklyn in a beautifull home, in a typical American neighbourhood. I live with jill (my host mum), James (my host Dad) and Emily and Sarah (the girls that i look after). Very soon after me arriving the girls kept me on my toe's. My relationship with Jill and James is strictly a professional one, in other words i do not discuss the cute guy at the gym with Jill or how much fun the club was on a Saturday night with James; as some of my friends do with there host family's. But i personally like it that way as we keep our privite lifes to our selfs as you would do with your boss if you worked in an office or anywere else for that matter. And as for my relationship with the girls....were to start. I will begin by saying the girls are very spoilt they get what they want from Mummy and Daddy and often miss behave and are very rarely punished actually borderline never punished for what they do. But i will also add that this is the way that they were brought up....so i don't believe that this is there fault. From day one as a new aupair i was also battling with the fact that these young girls have had many aupairs in the past...there fav one being Alison Taylor. I was told very bluntley by Emily "no offence" (i have no idea why she added those words as she new what she was about to say was offensive) "But Alison was a great aupiar..she was our fav and you are never going to be as good as her " Talk about a confidence knock after only being in my new home for a matter of hours. But i held back the tears and took it in my stride. During the weeks that i was homesick i cried an cried and cried and the smallest and most stupid things brought tears to my eyes. And if i am honest i did not un pack my suitcase for six weeks after arrivng as the thought alone of un packing my cloths into the wardrobes where my cloths were gunna stay for the next year made my eyes well up.

A change of heart.....

I honestly don't know what did happen but after being in New York five weeks everything changed for me. I became open to this huge difference in my life. I guess a part of me new that some of my times spent here could be some of the best times of my life. And my eyes peeled to the fact that i am living in one of the greatest cities in the world. (me....the girl that no believed would actually leave). I have now realised that back then the advice that no one gave me was helping me overcome my home sickness the only cure for me was TIME.....

A new start...

Soooo living in NYC has not always been the life that every girl dreams of for me, when i first arrived here six months ago from now as a small town girl used to the the country side and the coast i found it hard to adapt to the big city life....and looking back on it now i have no idea why but i was homesick. And after not even being in the big apple a week and giving my new life here a try i selfishly decided that i wanted to get back on the plane and fly home.....well pffffft that did not happen.....